


DENIAL.

by bledstars



Series: ERROR 606 [2]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Named MC, No one in mysme is straight, death mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 09:13:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14849970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bledstars/pseuds/bledstars
Summary: So don't blame him when he denied it. How he shook his head and said it was impossible. This wasn't happening. He wasn't losing someone again. They had plans. She was helping him study. They had plans. They were going to meet at the shaved ice place. They had plans. She was going to be there when he got his scores.They had plans. She was going to be there when he got admitted into the program. She was going to tell him how proud he was of her. THEY HAD PLANS!





	DENIAL.

**Author's Note:**

> Yoosung's was actually one of the ones I fleshed out first because of his history with Rika and how there was a base of how he actually deals with grief. 
> 
> This is part of a series called "ERROR 606". And the rest will come in the perspective of each character and I'm really excited to dissect each of their points of views.

For Yoosung, she was someone to make him a smile again. To bring back a joy in him that he didn't know he lost.  _ **To remind him that life was more than just grieving over a lost loved one**_. That there was more than just coping with the pain than just ignoring it. She gave him courage to stand on his own two feet, courage to be able to come out of his shell.She was so warm and when he was studying to get into the veterinarian program in his university, she had been sitting next to him, tutoring him. 

"Yoosung-ah? Earth to Yoosung!" 

The blonde kept staring at the woman in front of him, smiling at him as she waved a hand in front of his face. There she was smiling at him, so bright, with her half moon eye smiles that made him lose his train of thought. How it crinkled as she tried to get him back to her. 

 _Did she know that she had one of the most wonderful smiles?_  He wondered as he blinked and slowly came back to reality. And then she laughed and he swore he felt his heart skip a beat. He knew that she was with Luc-- _Saeyoung_   _hyung_. He saw them together and he could see how happy they were together. Always joking around, always bringing out the best in each other. He had known Saeyoung for so many years, but when he was with her, he looked like a new person. 

Yoosung loved them both. In ways that were both platonic and beyond, but he knew that he couldn't be what the other needed. He couldn't be the light that she seemed to be for his hyung. And he couldn't be the one that could protect her like he could. Saeyoung treated her like a queen full of power and willing to kiss the very ground she walked on. He treated every moment with such reverence that he once joked that she was his new religion.  Which only made him call her his goddess for the next week, teasing her that he'd get on his knees and pray. And Yoosung was sure that was sexual in nature because of the way she blushed and slapped his arm before running towards Yoosung to help him study. 

"Oh. Sorry, noona, I guess I dozed off." 

"Playing LOLOL again?" 

"No! Saeran couldn't play last night so, I was looking over those flash cards you made me for the MDEET (Korean Exam for Medical & Dental school). Don't get me wrong, it's not like I had nothing to do! I was planning on looking them over! They are very helpful, just--there's over a thousand of them." 

"I know! And I'm the one who made them!" She said with a laugh before she turned over her own notebook which had a depiction of the renal system, alongside color coordinated notes. "So, the Proximal convoluted tubule, is the anatomical portion of a nephron connectsthe Bowman's capsule to the loop of the Henle. Okay?" 

"I still don't get why I can't be learning about animal biology for this test instead."

"Because we don't make the rules for examinations, Yoosung-ah. Trust me, life would be a lot more easier if we made the rules. How about I treat you to get some shaved ice next time? Hmn? We can get the one with all the strawberries." She teased again with a smile as she started cleaning up.

And there it was again, she was making him blush and smile like an idiot. He wanted to feel like a man that could protect her like his hyungs could, but she treated him like a little brother. And for some reason, he didn't mind. He knew that he loved her. He knew that and yet this was enough. Being here, in a world where no one else could come. The tutoring sessions, when they would make lame medical jokes. When she would hand him an old notebook of hers to help him study. How she always asked how he was doing and how--this was something special. Something that was their's. 

"Are you trying to steal my girl, Yoosung-ah?" A voice from behind said with a smile before he leaned down and gave the woman a small kiss on the cheek. "Hey." He whispered to her as she flushed a light pink and muttered how he shouldn't surprise her like that.

"Hyung, get a room at least. And you're interrupting my time with noona." 

"Time is up, I'm here to collect." he said with a goofy smile and then slid a bag across the table. "That's from Saeran." 

Now it was Yoosung's turn to blush. He had been more than regularly talking and playing new games with Saeran. The other boy had been a very good partner to have on the field especially during raids. Taking the bag, he took a peek inside to see his favorite candies and snacks to eat when he played.  He had only mentioned it offhandedly when they were playing at his place. Saying how he loved gummy candies because they last long and they were fun to chew. He didn't think that Saeran would actually go out of his way to buy him some. 

"I guess Saeran knows about his sweet tooth. You know what this means~" 

"Noona!" He whined as she teased him with a laugh and quickly gathered his things. He'd have to repay the other Choi brother sooner than later. Maybe he could get some ice cream for him. Yeah, he seemed to enjoy the melon bars he stocked up on last time. "He's just more fun to play with than Saeyoung hyung!" 

"Hey! I resent that! I am the fun brother." 

"Mmnn, but Saeran is funnier." 

"What is that suppose to mean? You're breaking my heart, Mina! Are you going to leave me for my brother? Is this some drama?Quick Yoosung! Kiss him before she does!" 

"What?!" He stuttered and almost dropped his textbook. Kiss him? It wasn't like he hadn't thought about it. Speaking of ice cream, he remembered the last time and how he had some on his lower lip, and how Saeran had leaned over quietly and wiped it with his thumb before licking it off. Oh no. He was red now, wasn't he. He could tell by the sneaky grins on both of their faces. "You two are the worst!" 

Cackling, an arm around her shoulder, Saeyoung pressed his lips against the side of her head. "Us? The worst? I think you forget you are talking to God Seven and Angel Mina here." 

"That was so cheesy, I might puke." She said with a laugh as she laced her fingers with his.

Saeyoung now held her bag and nudged his head outside of the library. "Come on Yoosung, I'll drop you off. Saeran might kill me if I don't take care of his boyfriend properly." 

"B-Boyfriends? Us? We aren't-" 

"Yet." She winked and smiled at him before she messed his hair with her free hand and smiled at him. "Just be happy, Yoosung-ah. That's all we want for both of you." 

 

 

 **That was the last time he saw her.**  With her smile so bright that he didn't ever want it to go away. To hear her voice ring with such joy that he couldn't think of a world where he didn't hear it again. He remembered the last conversation they had, he had been struggling with a problem and he had called her. And she explained it with such ease, that he wondered if Saeyoung hyung knew how brilliant she was. _Of course he did,_  he thought quickly afterwards. If anyone saw how brilliant she was, it was Saeyoung hyung. 

"Sleep well, Yoosung. I'll see you in a couple of days. Make sure you're ready to get tested on the respiratory system. I'll see you at that Shaved Ice place! Maybe i'll even bring Saeran." 

He let out a teasing whine as she laughed and said good night once more before she hung up. 

 

 

So don't blame him when he denied it. How he shook his head and said it was impossible. This wasn't happening. He wasn't losing someone again. They had plans. She was helping him study. They had plans. They were going to meet at the shaved ice place. They had plans. She was going to be there when he got his scores.They had plans. She was going to be there when he got admitted into the program. She was going to tell him how proud he was of her.  **THEY HAD PLANS!**

He said it over and over again, denying it. He denied it when he saw the breaking news at Jaehee's cafe. When he saw the building, familiar with it because the RFA had just had dinner there. Familiar with it because the victims list included her. He could remember the mug in his hand falling and shattering on the ground. He could remember the scream that left Jaehee's mouth as she stared at the screen, fingers already rapidly dialing a number. Hers, he guessed and when she heard the dial tone, he didn't believe it to be true.  _She just left her phone behind._

A stupid thought. A thought he had none the less. That way she wasn't there. That way she wasn't one of the ten victims. That way she could still be alive and uphold their plans. They had plans, she wouldn't just leave like that.  _She wouldn't._

He denied it when he waited at that shaved ice place until the owner stated that they were closing now. He had come when the place opened and sat there, studying and waiting for his noona to come through with that signature eye smile of hers. Laughing that same bright laugh full of life. Because she wasn't dead. She couldn't be dead. 

He denied it over and over again. Even when the police officers and detectives said that she was one of the victims. Even worse, one of the victims whose body could not be retrieved due to the fact that she was at the central part of the blast. He shook his head and said they must have gotten it wrong. That this was fake. Conspiracy theories of how this was just like what happened to Rika was starting to sound more real than this. She couldn't be gone. Not when everything seemed to be getting better. She was the one that reminded him that life was more than just grieving someone that was lost and yet—

"You're wrong."He said with disgust. "You should be doing your jobs better. She's not gone. Noona wouldn't just leave like that." 

The denials continued for weeks to come as he helped Saeran and Saeyoung try to find any proof that she was still out there. As he helped Jumin who had hired his own team of investigators. 

 

 

"What are you doing?" A chilling voice that he never thought he could muster left his lips as he saw the contents on Jaehee's desk. 

Jaehee's hand froze before she continued working. "Funeral plans. Her parents had asked me to help. They still, they still can't handle it so they asked." 

"Why the hell are you doing funeral plans for someone who isn't dead!" He yelled at her angrily as he shoved the papers for potential grave sites to how they were going to bury her without a body to lists of people who wanted to attend and say their last goodbyes. Yoosung knew that he had no right to be like this. That he had no right to be angry at Jaehee. Because there was a small part of him that had been rational and knew that if Jaehee didn't do it, then Mina's funeral would be pushed even further. 

Jaehee's hand trembled as she stared at her work on the floor. "Yoosung-ah." 

"No! She's not dead! She's like R-Rika, she's just missing! We're going to find her! She's going to c-come back! She can't just leave us like that. That's not the person s-she is, Jaehee! She's coming home and to say that she's d-dead. We are going to h-hear that l-laugh again!  She's g-gonna say how silly we were to think s-she'd leave us so s-soon. We are going to see h-her smile! Saying that she's g-gone? That's being-" His voice was breaking angrily as he kept throwing things onto the ground. This wasn't happening. This wasn't real. She wasn't dead! 

"Get your head out of your ass and stop being so fucking selfish, Yoosung!" She finally snapped as she looked up at the younger boy. "Don't you think you're a bit too old to act like a child!?" 

"I'm not acting like a c-child! I'm holding onto hope! Because I know-" 

"No! You're not! You're denying that she's dead. You're selfishly saying that she's alive when she's not! Everything points to the one fact that she's not coming back! That she's gone and we have to continue living despite that! You're being selfish! What about her parents?  They don't even have a body to bury because of how burned the building was! They can't even say goodbye properly and you're selfishly yelling at me? Trying to help them say goodbye the best way they can?"

"But she's not-" 

"She is!" 

The tears running down both of their eyes as they tried their best to do what's best for Mina. They both loved her. They both cared for her. They both wanted what was best. 

"You're wrong, Jaehee." He hissed angrily, wiping the tears with the back of his hand as he left the cafe and ran back to his place. He was angry at her. Not for doing what no one else could, planning and having to deal with things that broke everyone's heart. Planning things that shouldn't have had to be planned in the first place. He was angry at her for being right. 

 

 

Breathing heavily as he finally arrived home. He saw the notes, her notes staring at him from the floor. Her flashcards, the little notes in his practice test.  _You can do it Yoosung!_  With a doodle of a happy face and just words of encouragement throughout the pages. Holding it up, he felt a choked sob leave his lips as he stared at her handwriting. The doodles on the side, notes to help him remember body parts and medical jargon. Notes on certain trick questions, everything here was touched by her, meant to help him.

And he couldn't even help her. 

"Yoosung." He didn't even know when the sunset or how late it was until he lifted his head from reading the notes and crying in between. He didn't hear the door knock or Saeran using his spare key to get inside. 

"Are you here to tell me you found her?" His voice was hoarse as he stared at the things around him. There was the plushie of a heart that she got him to help him remember all the parts. There was several pictured they had together, them at the amusement park with Saeran in full face paint just like his twin brother who had the biggest smile on his face, framed on his desk. There was the puppy mug she got him that sat on his desk half full of week old water. 

"Yoosung."And that's when he heard Saeran's voice. It quivered, it broke, it was choking him. And as the blonde slowly turned to face the him, he could see the dark circles, the red eyes that indicated how little sleep he got. How pale his skin was. He could only imagine what Saeyoung looked like. He could only imagine what he was feeling. No, he couldn't. He couldn't imagine because that made his chest constrict with the dark thought of how obsessive his hyung could get. Getting up from his seat, he pressed his forehead against the older man that he had gotten so close to. 

"She's gone isn't she?" He whispered, his worst fear coming true. She wasn't going to come back. She wasn't going to come back to smile at him. She wasn't going to teach him something new. She wasn't going to laugh or tease him. She wasn't going to pick up her phone when he had a question. She was gone. She was gone and there was nothing he could do about it. 

And Saeran's choked sob as he nodded against his forehead. As he let his own tears fall down from his mint colored eyes. Yoosung could tell from the trembling in his shoulders, the way he tried to hold it all back that Saeran was regressing. It had taken them a year to get here. And it was all thanks to her. Working her magic like she always did to melt hearts and make them feel full again. Holding his boyfriend's face in his hands, he looked at him. Looking broken, looking tired, looking like he had failed her even though he had tried so hard. 

Yoosung felt helpless. What could he possibly say, what could he possibly do? He was still on the edge of grieving. He was still trying to accept that she was really gone. But here Saeran was, looking more alone and empty than before. Looking like he was ready to shatter into a million pieces. And Yoosung felt hopeless. How could he do anything to help besides stroking the back of Saeran's back and hugging him tighter than before. There were no ways to describe the how they felt. Like they failed her. The woman that had saved them so many times that she didn't even know. The woman that brought back life into their lives. That had them smile and-

Holding Saeran tightly, he felt himself cry and it didn't stop. How could it when he felt like he had so many tears to make up for. Saeran trembled as he held Yoosung tighter, head falling into the nook his neck. 

 

 

It wasn't until the day of the funeral that he finally felt like he had caught up. His eyes swollen from crying every day. How could he not when he was reminded to move on, to look at his future, he was forced to look at it without her. Without her smile, without her encouragement. When he looked at her notes, he was just reminded that he won't ever get to see her sitting across from him, writing him a new outline to follow along to. To getting random text messages with questions that he was told to answer. There was a hole in his life that he knew that couldn't be filled by anyone else. She was gone and it felt wrong.

Looking at her photo was what did it for him, he ended up crying again even though he was sure he already ran out. There it was, sitting among flowers, her smile bright as can be, eyes curved into half moons. She was smiling, still smiling even when she was gone. Still being that light in their lives as they stood in the dark. 

 _"Me? Why did I want to become a doctor?"_  He could remember her saying as she hummed and looked up from her notes. Lips pursed as she thought for a moment before messing with her hair sheepishly. " _I just don't like the look of someone crying in pain, I guess. I remembered when my friend fell and how much she cried because of a couple of scratches on her knee. I remembered how much she smiled when I put a bandaid on it. I remember the kids I read stories to. Every single one of them would die before I did and I couldn't help it. But they still smiled. They still smiled because they knew that even if their lives were short, that they were still grateful for each day they got. I don't know. There are a lot of reasons. I wanted to save people. I wanted to heal people. I want to be able to say that I did well. That I was able to use my life to save others. That I was able to make my one life mean something more. I don't know."_  A laugh as she shoved Yoosung's shoulder. _"You're getting me all sentimental!"_

 

 

"You did well." He whispered as he placed a small puppy plush onto the chest they chose to bury in place of her body. A piece of their lives because she would always hold part of it. "You did so well, noona. I promise, I won't forget you. I promise I will live my life like you did yours. I love you, Noona. " 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments + kudos! They are much appreciated!


End file.
